everything has changed
for me
he said
& I said
how
& he said
by not drinking
& I said
but you drink
& he said
less
& I said
every night
& day
& he said
I know
what I am
I said
your drug
is loss
he said
no
I never
lose
I said
you will
lose everything
you can afford 
to lose
& keep
living
he said
I just
want to
touch
stillness
I said
you can’t
not yet
he said
when
will I
I said
you won’t
know you
have when
you do
he said
have you
I said
I don’t know
probably
not he said
how do you
lose & stay
alive
I said learn 
that to have
is not to have 
& memory
won’t hold you
who will
hold you
he asked
& I said
only
I will
I won’t
feel it
he said
what’s the
point
I said
you will
feel it
when you
change
he said
how
long till
I change
I said still
very far
away