The Fat Lady
     from Unseen Character

(The edge of the sofa is used as theatre seats at the movies. The lights are low and a soft spot light is focused on THE FAT LADY. She fights THE USHER off with her handbag.)

I will not be handled like a piece of baggage!

There is absolutely no reason to usher me out of this theatre! I am in the right! Unarm me, you malicious stranger!

(To TOM.)

This usher is trying to manhandle me in a most unnatural fashion!

During the organ solo and the milk-fund collection, this usher put his arm around my shoulder and touched my bosom with his five fingers! He claims he was passing the collection bucket from one aisle to the other, but why on earth would his hand not only go behind my back but also down my front? That’s right, usher! Go run away! Go run away to Mama!

He said that I was so corpulent that he knows that I must not get a man’s touch that often. And this is the reason for my overreaction! Well, let me tell you something. I get plenty of attention from all sorts of men! And that’s not an overreaction!

Sometimes a man wants a woman with a little meat on her big bones!

You’re a handsome man. I bet you would possibly find me attractive. You look a little lonely. Look a little peaked. You look like you could use a temporary vacation. Maybe take a ride to paradise for an hour or two. What do you say?

Oh, so you’re the quiet type! Just my luck! I get the loud type first and now I get the quiet! Why you so sad? Why you so lonely? You wear melancholy on you like some men wear aftershave! I see you here so many nights of the week. Between here and that hole in the wall across the street, you sure can’t spend much time at your homestead.

What is that? Live by yourself? Or worse, you got a woman you’re trying to escape from? Is that the case? You come to see Garbo and Mickey Mouse, because they give you a sense of something you don’t get at home. Am I correct in my assumption?

Or maybe you have a house full of temporary guests who have turned into a more permanent situation. That’s it, isn’t it? Your home has been overtaken with familial heretics. They don’t understand a man of your depth and dimension.

You don’t want small talk, do you? You want poetry! I can tell. You are a man who aches for poetry!